Wednesday, 30 March 2011

UK Resistance closes down. 14 Shenmue fans give a shit



After about 15 years of trying to convince himself Sega hasn't become the equivalent of George Lucas. UK Resistance owner/writer, Gary Cutlack has shut up shop on one of the most established, non commercial, gaming sites. Originally dedicated to all things Sega, UK:R became a favourite amongst pro websites and journalists (who would love to be able to speak their mind about games, but prefer not being unemployed) with the site later going multi-format.
Although the site kept the focus pro-Sega, to the point where you weren't sure whether Cutlack was being ironic with his (admittedly funny) attacks on Sony and Nintendo (but never the xbpx360) or a shameless zealot?
But what most people will remember are the countless pictures of any anything remotely Sega related. From creepy fan pictures of Cream the rabbit (which is a character from the current -shit-sonic games, not a furry website) and pictures of booth babes, that would be accompanied by some ironic text, to make it seem alright to show upskirt photos of an Asian Ulala cosplayer.
Even though it took you 15 years to realise, what took me 2:that there's no place in games journalism, for anyone with their own style, voice, or opinions- you were a true trailblazer, Cutlack.
Now do a line of coke, suck off the PR people (if they haven't already stolen your husband), and get ready for a lifetime of writing news posts.
...And remember, don't ever dream

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Nintendo 3DS London launch: Less than 100 people turn up. I blame Hadouken




















That's right, The London HMV store held it's midnight opening for the new Nintendo handheld: the 3DS. And in grand fashion (by Nintendo UK standards) the first 500 people in the queue were given a free game for their new hand held console. Although by midnight, less than 100 were there for even a  free selection of ,what has to be, one of the weakest launch line ups ever.
So after freezing my balls off, waiting for "special musical guests", which was the fuck-awful poser band: Hadouken (Atari Teenage Riot for the brain dead) and Plan B (soul music for chavs) I got a quick go on three of the launch titles. Super Street Fighter4 looks and plays fairly faithful to the original version, but with (obviously) diminished graphics. Although it's still impressive looking and plays decently enough due to the properly designed D-pad, so pulling off special moves won't be such a pain. And even if you do struggle with doing a quarter-circle then you can set the touch screen to do special moves at the touch of a (on screen) button.
Pilotwings Resort  is easy to get into and shows off the whole idea of the 3DS technology, but I couldn't shake the feeling this was meant to be the, once talked about, Wii Pilotwings game. Especially as it uses Miis in it. But the 3D screen gives a great sense of depth as you take your first dive with the hand glider. Nothing special, but the bare minimum of what you'd expect from a launch title.
Pro Evo 2011 3D was a bit of a shambles. I had to turn the 3D effect down as the default camera is fixed behind the player and the background revolves around constantly, which really disorientates. Thankfully, you can set the camera to the traditional pro evo set up. And then you're reminded of how crap the pro evo series has become.














Being a gaming event, the usual collection of media whores, drug addicts and borderline autistics -that make up the ranks of video games media- turned up to cover the event. Well, they talked to a couple of people in the que then helped themselves to the free food, then pissed off home while the legit media talked to the first person (in the London HMV) to buy a 3DS.
Personally I was too busy trying to (unsuccessfully) chat up one of the shop staff. Don't judge me, I don't drink and don't do drugs, so the usual diet of free alcohol and cocaine, doesn't interest me.
That red headed angel is too good to be dealing with Nintendo fan boys...curse my lack of money, looks and charm!

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Video game BAFTAs in a nutshell


I won't waste both our time by reporting on what happened. You can look up the winners on a decent website/blog. All you need to know is Heavy Rain and Mass Effect 2 did good. The public vote, proved the public are idiots, by voting for the average COD: Balck Ops. Rockstar pulled Red Dead Redemption from the whole thing, after GTA 4 lost out to Super Mario Galaxy. And a bunch of PR twats got very drunk while coked up hacks sucked them off, for an exclusive interview.
Just two little things though. How did God of War 3 win the artistic achievement award? Especially when Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Heavy Rain and LIMBO were in the same category. Obviously, the BAFTA panel of judges are hugely swayed by high definition blood letting and tits
Also, seeing as Super Mario Galaxy two won best gameplay, I think it appropriate that as Nintendo recycled the first game, why don't BAFTA send them the same award from before, but with a picture of fucking Yoshi on it? 
Don't worry Rockstar. There's always the Golden Joystick awards. Or ,as it's also know, the game charts